If you are experiencing a crisis, call 911, 1-800-273-TALK (8255), or text 'START' to 741741.

I will forewarn you, if you do not know the sheer horror of suicide then you probably need to read this. You probably need to cry about it. You probably need to learn that doing nothing is an approach that does not work. This is a rant. This is anger. This is a DEMAND that leaders in our community start backing us so that we can do what no one else seems capable of doing until it is too late. I also wrote this in absolute haste, and anger…and anger…and haste. If parts of it do not make sense, I will fix them later. Just let me know.

Understand I am not blaming anyone; I am begging for you help. Any help.

To the person who just lost a child at Paducah Tilghman, this is not directed at you. We are with you. We will do anything that you need us to do right now. Our circumstances are very similar, our experiences will likely be very different. But we completely understand, and we will do anything for you… The same goes to friends of this person who we just lost. If you need help, SEEK US OUT. We will help you!

I will start this with a list of links that I have been BEGGING people to use for the past several months:

SMALL AND MEDIUM BUSINESSES: Become a Small or Medium Business Partner

LARGE CORPORATIONS: Become a Sponsor

INDIVIDUALS: Donate!

ANYONE IN SUICIDE PREVENTION OR A RELATED FIELD: Working Together Network

For the third time in two days, threats of suicide have come up in a conversation.

For the third time in two days, we heard it through the “grapevine”.

For the first time in two days and three threats later lies a young life lost.

What really bugs me is that two days ago I posted that I heard on the police scanner that a McCracken County school officer was waiting for a parent to come and get their child who was having suicidal thoughts. The parent was taking the child to the emergency room. I honestly wonder if the child that was lost tonight is that same child. I hope not. I hope this system did not squander such an obvious opportunity to help someone in need.

Chaney - 2007Let me explain to you where we stand. Since we lost our daughter last September, we have DIRECTLY intervened in what now stands at 21 suicidal threats. One of those involved 3 police departments working together to locate a juvenile that no one knew the location of. Two of those involved school staff. The rest of them involved parents. None of those children are gone, and we have heard no more reports from friends of those children.

Here is the thing, though. We are as “LOUD” as we can be. We have been on the news. We have asked businesses for help. We are asking churches for help. We have asked to speak. We have asked for so much, yet what we have is the willingness to do anything to save our children and about $400 to do it with. We have taken in more than that, but we needed a printer ($489 with 1 year replacement… it prints around 15000 pages on a single set of cartridges, it is a heavy duty office multi-function copier). Angel needed a new computer ($99 — Ebay). We needed to buy software (around $120 so far, and we still need more). We have to get the tools we need to help this end.

Here is one good example of where being loud has gotten us. This website is called Topix. Here at home we refer to it as “White Trash Central”. This post (along with another that called me a fraud, and a fake, and another that said my wife and our entire family was crazy) is about our daughter.

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You are going to read this. You are going to either get really angry, or really sad. You will probably cry. I honestly don’t care what you do so long as it stirs your emotions and gets the gears & cogs in your noggin spinning and whirring. Something needs to happen in each and every one of you that initiates change.

I am ANGRY at schools right now and the way they handle depression, cutting, substance abuse, and those at risk of suicide.

I am ANGRY at schools here for the way they handle suicide after the fact.

I am ANGRY at students for not being willing to ASK FOR HELP when they see a friend approaching a crisis. I thank EVERY one of you that did. Every time we got a tip, and we made the necessary calls, we saved a life…because you were willing to save a life.

I am ANGRY that parents, instead of wanting to help, spread rumors and “forbid” their child from seeing someone who obviously needs help. This is happening with a child that I know RIGHT NOW.

I am ANGRY that children are losing their parents to mental illness and suicide. This is a double-edged blade in our area.

I am ANGRY that so many people that are in the suicide prevention field treat it like it is “just business”. I understand we have to make money to operate… but we don’t have to compete, and suicide rates are on an incline…

I am ANGRY that no one seems to want to admit it when someone does take their own life. We did admit it, from the very second that we realized it occurred. We are not ashamed. There is no shame. There is no “punishment”. There is no mistake. Charles Cloud… I absolutely applaud you for the stance you took when you lost your son. You came out almost immediately as we did. You wanted the world to know. You wanted to keep it from happening to anyone else. I commend you for that, I honor you for that, you are a hero in your community. I would love to be able to work with you because obviously — you get it.Chaney

 

I understand that we have archaic 90s technology that we all use to communicate, and every time I try to provide a better solution I am told I am reinventing the wheel. Unfortunately, the wheel we currently use is square… Mine isn’t. It is round, it is better, give it a chance.

 

Chaney_CorleyI am ANGRY that we have lost so many souls, right here…within a 35-mile radius…yet 90% of our donations come from other states. Most of our money came from a single person, it definitely made it possible for us to try to make a difference. The printer we were able to buy we bought because of a single person in Germany and a group of masons of which he is a member. We joined the American Association of Suicidology because of a single person,  who lives in Texas. That one person gave us information and data from as recently as today, dating all the way back to 1971. Someone else is sending us a printer that can print to canvas, I am not even sure where she lives, but I have talked to her so much that I consider her a great friend. We have met so many people who have lost their children RIGHT HERE IN OUR AREA. I can almost go out and start talking to people, and guarantee that I will find a new parent who has lost a child within the last 15 years…. right here… Numerous times suicide has happened since we have lived here, but we have never heard anything about it.

I have family that has seen me deal with suicide in my life over and over again that have not offered to help. I had family that saw me go through it recently that just wanted to point fingers,  blame, and be dramatic.

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I am angry that the systems we have in place here are so chopped down, and so unreliable that schools do not even know how to react when a crisis does occur.  I am angry that a principal called me, a grieving father, to ask what she was supposed to say to her children in an assembly.  I am angry that I have approached a school superintendent who started ignoring my emails when the questions got tough. I am angry that I emailed the health department and got no response whatsoever. I am angry that businesses we ask for help say they “can’t”.  We are losing this battle…and as a result, we are losing our children — day after day and the reason for it is a complete lack of trying.

This is the depression you are ignoring that is eating your child. Keep ignoring it. We did not even ignore our daughter’s depression or cutting. We had her in therapy. We had her doing everything that we thought we needed to do. She stayed in therapy until we thought she stopped. She just got better at hiding things. She probably learned it by watching how people in our area handle suicide. Hide it. Sweep it under the rug. Don’t let anyone know. God forbid people we will look like we were bad parents, or we might feel some sort of shame or embarrassment.

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We did not ignore our problems. We had Four Rivers Behavioral Health. We had social workers. We had counselors. Chaney had all new friends. Chaney had everything and seemed happier than she ever had.

We did not ignore it. And this is where we ended up. Yet day after day, we hear about threats, or attempts AFTER the fact. We want to be proactive. We want to have the conversations that too many people are obviously too ashamed or afraid to have. We want our children to see that there is light at the end of the tunnel, that problems today are just a bump in the road. We want them to find themselves, and not give up.

Even with everything that we tried, this is where we ended up. This is the reason we WANT to be PROACTIVE. We NEED funding. We WANT to stop this. Again, I am angry. I am so angry.

When I found her, her heart was still beating. She was still breathing. I could not wake her. I tried so hard to wake her. Her heart continued to beat all the way up until she began to save the lives of people we will likely never meet.

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I am ANGRY.

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I am so very ANGRY. Just in case you don’t get it. Here it is again.

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This is the last time that I got to see her. This was the last time I will ever be able to see her. I will honestly say, this is the most beautiful that I ever saw her… I will never get another chance.
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I have begged for money. I have begged for volunteers. I have begged for writers. We have made approximately $100 for every child who we have lost in our area since our daughter died, and we became a legal recognized public charity.

Are these children really not worth more than $100 to you?

I will start this with a list of links that I have been BEGGING people to use for the past several months:

SMALL AND MEDIUM BUSINESSES: Become a Small or Medium Business Partner

LARGE CORPORATIONS: Become a Sponsor

INDIVIDUALS: Donate!

ANYONE IN SUICIDE PREVENTION OR A RELATED FIELD: Working Together Network

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